Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday for many Americans. They love the food, they love being with family for hours with nothing on the agenda other than carving fowl, enjoying each other's company, watching football, remembering past times, and sleeping. But for me, Thanksgiving has taken on a whole new emotion.

There isn't a day—Thanksgiving or not—where I don't look at my boys and marvel at how we have been brought together. We were so clearly meant to have these boys in our lives; we were so clearly meant to learn from them. And for the blessing of having them in our life, I am ever grateful and humbly thankful. That gratitude is so clear, especially on Thanksgiving.

But I can't just sit in this joy, in this gratitude, truth be told. Because while I reflect on what gifts our lives have been given, I am ever aware of the circumstances that have made these gifts possible, and so my gratitude is always a bit bittersweet.  Think of a mother who has given birth, and the challenges she must have faced in her life to give her son up.  I’ve had several people tell me, “Your sons are lucky to have you.”  I pause and tell them, “It wasn't luck that brought us together.” I know that without a doubt. I know that our sons coming into our lives, our coming into their lives is part of God’s plan. He saved these boys just for us and we give thanks!

On November 24th, my family will bow its head around the table and give thanks. And, yet, my heart and mind will not be in America. My heart and mind will be in China; thinking of the women who gave us our sons.

China Impressions

Before we traveled to China we had preconceived ideas of  what we may encounter. I want to start by emphasizing that  we came home with a sincere respect for China and the  people there. For those who have not done much traveling in Asian countries, there are certainly surprises to be found  in China. At times China seemed like another planet, with such completely different language and customs. You may, for the first time in your life, know what it feels like to be a minority. You will be frustrated by your inability to communicate. You will see polluted water, smell things you'd rather not and eat things that you can't be sure what they are! Be flexible, smile a  lot, talk softly, and be nice. You will be rewarded. Busy sidewalks of Beijing The Great Wall of China Stir-fried nuts of some kind Water boy  We had taken with us some negative impressions of China  that we had gotten from growing up in the communist phobic  1950's, and even from the adoption community and adoption agency. Our experience was very positive. Everywhere we  went the people were wonderful or mostly wonderful, the food  was interesting and we never felt uncomfortable or unsafe.  If the opportunity to go back ever presents itself, I would not be opposed to going.

The Trip to China

 September 15, 2011, was travel day and a long day it was. Terry, myself, and Grandma Sarah were driven to the Minneapolis Airport, by our son, Tyler. We were to fly from Minneapolis to Chicago and Chicago to Beijing.

  

We landed at the Beijing Airport on September 16th and needed to locate our guide in rows and rows of people waiting to connect with someone at the airport. What an experience! After a bit of looking and pushing my way back through the airport receiving line, I spotted our guide's sign and guide. We quickly exchanged pleasantries and headed to meet our driver. We located our driver, Mr. Lee, loaded the van, and proceeded to the Holiday Inn in Beijing, China. This was to be our home for the adoption process in Beijing. At the hotel, we met George, who would guide us through the adoption process and was our translator. George gave us some instructions and told us we would meet September 18 @8:30 AM in hotel lobby and depart for Orphanage 2. Then after Orphanage 2 we would go to Orphanage 1.  We allowed ourselves a day of relaxing and sightseeing in and around Beijing before we started on our way to meet our sons. We spent the first day walking around town, taking in the new sights and sounds.  For a city of the size and population of Beijing, we found it very friendly and easy to get around. Thanks to the abundance of bicycles and the resulting smaller numbers of cars, we found the traffic and street noise to be quite bearable.

Sunday, September 18, 2011 we were off to get our boys. We went to Orphanage 2 first.  Upon arrival to Orphanage 2, we noticed it was surrounded by razor wire and a guard. Our guide talked to the guard and we were cleared to go in. Upon arrival, we were met by the Orphanage Director, a very friendly man. And very quickly, our son Trentyn was in front of us smiling. 

We were hurried to a room for much paperwork and exchange of gifts. We met Trentyn’s nanny, who showed much care. We took photos and we were on our way to Orphanage 1. When traveling to Orphanage 1, our guide, George, received a call, letting us know we could not pick up Trey until the Director was there. That meant we needed to slow up and take a breather. We decided to stop for lunch. George ordered lunch for us and we managed to eat a bit with the only two forks they had in the whole big restaurant. Trentyn did not eat much. I’m sure he was nervous. After lunch we headed to Orphanage 1. 

We were met by the Director and hurried into a room. We filled out paperwork and answered many questions before Trey came into the room. Trey was very sad and his eyes were filled with tears. We tried to console Trey and let him know everything is going to be OK. We are family.  We finished with pictures and headed back to the hotel. Just like that we were parents to teenagers,  again.

For the five days in Beijing, we worked with the local government officials to legally adopt Trey and Trentyn in China and obtain Chinese passports for them.  Although seemingly slow at times, the officials were friendly, charming and helpful throughout the process. After 13 months of paperwork and close scrutiny at home, the Chinese "interviews" seemed cursory and simple. We took simple gifts for the officials and guides which they did not open in our presence.

 We flew to Guangzhou for the last four days to run our last gauntlet, the exit interview and visa from the American embassy. We stayed at the five star Garden Hotel. The accommodations were beyond adequate! Guangzhou is bigger, hotter and more westernized than we had seen so far. The area around the Garden Hotel is very clean and upscale.

The services at the hotels were outstanding. Before you could think of what you needed someone was usually there with it and you didn’t have to open the door yourself or push your own elevator button. It was great to have that since we were focusing on the boys. During our free time we would go sightseeing, venture to stores and shop, swim, eat, or nap.  Through all of this, the boys did great!

We boarded our flight for home a couple of days later than anticipated. Our flight home was delayed by typhoon Nesat. We were driven from Guanghzou to Hong Kong by a hired driver. Our drive to the airport was slowed by the border check in Shenzhen and Hong Kong. This took and hour due to October 1, National Day for China. The National Day is celebrated throughout mainland China, Hong Kong, and Macau  and it is at this time many Chinese travel. Once through the check point we were on our way and quickly arrived at the Hong Kong Airport.  The driver dropped us off curbside and showed us were to go. Here we had to weave through the maze of yet another busy airport and check in system.  We found our way to our gate and couldn’t wait to board the 747 for America! We arrived in Chicago, made it through customs, then on to immigration, checked the luggage again, and off to our gate. By now, we were tiring.  We were met at the airport by Kurt, my brother-in-law, and a truck to haul us home.  We stopped in Ellsworth for dinner at Dairy Queen. American food tasted good.

We have been home for several weeks and settling in as a family. Trey and Trentyn go to public school and are working hard to learn English. The boys have come a long way in a few shorts weeks and are no longer needing rice on a daily basis. Trey has a strong mechanical aptitude and Trey enjoys drawing and painting. They are good boys, with a desire to learn. We have a desire for Trey and Trentyn, and that is that they come to a saving faith in Christ Jesus.  

Spinning Plates and a Critical Spirit

Plates are spinning around here, how about at your house? At least that's how it feels...managing relationships, work, and finishing the basement resembles a plate-spinning routine gone horribly amuck with plates crashing to the ground all around me. Work has been a bit more than I desire at the moment. A new student identification system is being implemented, and since I deal with students, I’ve been involved! I have a few relationships that have been stretching and challenging. We are still working on the basement, BUT the boys’ room is complete!

One thing that has taken me back is an individual being critical of us adopting special needs children. Newsflash: most all adopted children should be considered "special needs". Any child who hasn't had a mother or father for a period of time suffers negative effects from the lack of a parent. Do most adoptive parents know every issue their child will have when they adopt them? Of course not. Do biological parents know every issue their birth child will have in life? Duh...of course not. So why do we put different standards on adoptive parents? When we adopt children with special needs, we do so with a certain amount of naivety about what life will be like with that child. Just like when you have biological children, you do so with a certain amount of naivety about what life will be like with your biological children.

When we chose to adopt, we did do our research. It's irresponsible not to research the issues that we may know of that our children may or may not have. But I can guarantee one thing...medical records for adopted children will never have ALL of the issues outlined that we and our adopted children will face. There will be medical, emotional, social, behavioral and other issues that will come up.

Before being critical of us for adopting special needs it would be better to come alongside us and really empathize with us. It is much more beneficial than telling us we shouldn’t be doing this. It also poses the question: "Would the child be better off in their previous conditions?" The answer is almost always no.

Can't we start praying for one another, offering HELPFUL information, and encouraging each other rather than criticizing?

Less than two weeks

Summer is coming to a close. Terry and I have been busy preparing our home for our sons’ from China. That includes cleaning.  I’ve cleaned “Tyler’s” room and we are preparing to paint it this weekend, if I get the paint and set up the bunkbeds.

This weekend I need to focus on getting the items together for Ya Hui and Li Guo. Their backpacks need to be filled with toys; their suitcases need to be packed with their clothes and toiletry items. For clothes, we guessed at what size they might wear. I'm pretty clueless about shoes for them.  I could take a few sizes, but have no idea whether or not they'll stay on their feet. I’m positive we will get shoes in China, if they need them.

In a little under two weeks we will leave the comfort of our home and fly to China to pick up our sons’. We've been a little distracted.  As exciting as this is, we are becoming extremely anxious. Please pray for us to remain calm in the days ahead and to focus on what is important. Please pray for our sons’ in China that they are aware that they are being adopted and that God will give our family unity.  This trip to China is huge. May we take time to enjoy the ride!

We Have Notice!

Friday, July 29th, 2011 we received our travel confirmation for China! Next, we needed to work out the dates that we could travel. WACAP (our adoption agency) contacted the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou to request a visa appointment for our family. We had to submit five dates in the order or preference. This is the email we received on August 16, 2011 from Elizabeth Rose, our social worker.  “We received your consulate appointment today for the 27^th of September! This means that you will be adopting the boys on the 18^th of September and you can fly home on the 29^th.  Please go ahead and arrange your flights to and from China.” This was exciting news! Now I needed to spring into action and contact travel agencies for flights and prices. By early evening I had secured flights.

Right now, we are working on our basement project, and shopping for, and gathering the necessary bits and pieces we need for the trip and for our boys, Ya Hui and Li Guo.We are keeping ourselves busy. As we prepare for the trip, our friend Sarah, who resides in MI, is also preparing for China. Sarah will be helping us with the boys and she is going to be a “Grandma” to them.

  

As we look ahead, we have many hopes and dreams, fears and uncertainties. We hope the boys will be happy in America. We hope they like having a family. We hope many, many things. But, the one and only thing we could really hope for and that would be the most important, above all else, is that they would come to know their Maker as Lord and Savior.

Please pray for us, as we embark on the journey of bringing our sons’ home from China.

Adoption update

The waiting game... it's so fun, isn't it?! The end of May we received a letter from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) requesting evidence. The evidence that USCIS felt was missing was our home study approval to adopt special needs children. In order to satisfy the Immigration Services, we needed to complete the I-800A, Supplemental 3 Request Action, have an amended home study, and remit the documents with a check for $360. We went ahead and completed everything that the USCIS requested, mailed it to the USCIS lock-box in TX, and received conformation on June 27, 2011, that the USCIS had received our information and check.  So, now we wait to see if we have satisfied the USCIS requirements.

But, why should adoption take so long? I understand that foreign governments can become overwhelmed with adoption requests. I also recognize that several foreign countries shut down for weeks at a time to celebrate holidays, wars can break out, and political unrest may slow the adoption process.  As I wait for our sons’, I KNOW that God loves adoption but the Enemy opposes adoption. I have come to comprehend that the adoption process will have roadblocks and that the Enemy will attempt to upset any attempt to bring our sons’ into our home.  I’m aware that we need to be on guard, and we must be committed to praying for our sons’ and their country.

Though the wait is lengthy, I am convinced it will be worth it. From a Christian standpoint, God went to great lengths to call me His own. Regardless of the why, God certainly uses this time. Nothing is wasted.

As we wait, we pray. We pray for our sons’ in China that are waiting for us. May our future sons' be protected from all harm and that they are able to comprehend what adoption means.

Gal. 6:9 says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for a the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.